This post is raw and holds nothing back. If you’re uncomfortable with vulgar language, please turn back.
February 16, 2007
My wife and I were driving to a restaurant tonight on a four-lane highway. I’m in the right-hand lane cruising along, and there’s another car in the left hand lane just up close enough so that I can’t get over.
I see some room ahead of me, so I ease on the gas a bit and signal that I’m going to change lanes. As soon as I speed up to get some distance, the car in the left hand lane speeds up as well, preventing me from merging over.
“OK, no big deal” I thought. A few minutes go by and I see another opportunity to make a little bit of distance and merge into the left lane. Same shit happens: As soon as I speed up to make room, this jackass speeds up also. I briefly signal and jam my way into the left hand lane. Yeah, I cut the car off but it was nothing excessive. I had plenty of room or else I wouldn’t have came over.
Now here’s where it gets interesting. The car behind me lays down on the horn, but that was expected. They didn’t tailgate either, which was surprising. But, this crazy idiot starts following me.
I had a hunch that they were following me because they changed lanes whenever I did. I pull into a shopping center to see what they would do, and sure enough they pull in behind me. “OK, maybe it’s just a coincidence.”
I circle the shopping center and head back onto the highway with stalker right on my tail. At this point, I’m getting pretty fucking pissed. I drive down the road, speeding up and slowing down to see if they follow suit. Sure enough, they do.
I see an empty parking lot, and I pull into it. I speed up to gain some distance and do a quick u-turn so that I’m facing them. At this point I knew either me or somebody else was going to get their ass handed to them.
This car pulls up and I couldn’t fucking believe it. It was a skinny woman approximately 40 years old with short hair. Textbook soccer mom appearance, and she was the only one in the car.
I roll down the window, and the first thing she says is “I’ve got the police on the phone” while holding up her 7-year old cell phone.
My response is “what the fuck is your problem?”
Soccer mom replies with “what the fuck is your problem?”
“Just quit fucking following me, you crazy bitch” I said.
“You cut me off back there” she replied back.
“Well, you wouldn’t let me over. So quit fucking following me.”
At this point I drive off, and the bitch doesn’t follow.
I hate minivan-driving soccer moms. Always have, and always will.
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This article is part of Hoover’s Med School Hell series. Med School Hell reveals the crazy truth about the crappiness of the US medical education and healthcare system … while making you laugh so hard, you’ll crap in your pants.