Med School Hell – Five First Year Mistakes To Avoid

This post is raw and holds nothing back. If you’re uncomfortable with vulgar language, please turn back.

March 13, 2007
By: Hoover

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So you’ve made it to medical school. Good job. Now comes the hard part of not looking like a tool. Here are five mistakes that will make you stand out of your class like a sore thumb.

1. Telling Everybody That You’re In Medical School

Yeah, we get it. You’re in medical school. Strong work. What you don’t get is that nobody else really cares. This especially includes the guy at the gas station or your waiter or waitress at a local restaurant. You look like an ass, so don’t do it. Bonus points if one of your friends follows up your comment with “He just tells everybody that because of low self-esteem. He really works down at Wal-Mart as a door greeter.”

2. Placing Your Stethoscope Around Your Rear View Mirror

Don’t. Do. It. Nothing says “Look at me, I’m a nurse” more than committing this terrible mistake. Not to mention it dangles into your field of vision, so it’s a danger to everybody else on the road. I thought you wanted to save people, not stick them in the hospital while you’re too busy looking to see who’s noticing your dangling piece of medical crap.

3. Vanity Plates

MD2B license plateMD2B license plate

OK, so dad bought the Mercedes and pays extra for a vanity plate so you can drive around looking like an ass. Definitely a sound investment. If you want to essentially guarantee that someone will key your car at some point before the first month of medical school is over, have a vanity plate. But, since Dad bought the care to begin with, you probably don’t give a shit one way or the other.

4. Wearing Your White Coat Outside of the Hospital

You’ll get your white coat during first year, although your need for one is practically zero at this point in your medical career. One thing to remember is to never wear it outside of the hospital. The locals around your medical school have been seeing white coats for a hell of a lot longer than you have. They don’t give a shit, and see you wearing it outside of the hospital as a weak cry for attention. Don’t be an attention whore.

5. Telling Everybody Where You Went to College

Every medical class has this guy. By the end of the first week of medical school, the whole class knows where he went to college, what his GPA was, and how great his MCAT score is. Newsflash: You’re in class with other students who went to a state school and have average MCAT scores and GPAs. If you were so great, your whole class would consist of people like yourself. Nobody cares about which Ivy League school raped your parent’s checking account.

Maximum Imprisonment

Making these mistakes will not only have your entire class talking about you in record time, but you’ll also look like a complete and total tool. The punishment fits the crime.

Are you convinced to leave medicine? If so, you may feel like you are alone. You may feel clueless about what to do next. However, quitting medicine could turn out better than you have ever thought possible. And here is why you should get out …

This article is part of Hoover’s Med School Hell series. Med School Hell reveals the crazy truth about the crappiness of the US medical education and healthcare system … while making you laugh so hard, you’ll crap in your pants.

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