Med School Hell – If I Were Your Attending

This post is raw and holds nothing back. If you’re uncomfortable with vulgar language, please turn back.

September 14, 2008
By: Hoover


  • Everybody will leave work no later than 5pm. Working late sucks.
  • Keggers will be held every Friday night after work, attendance is optional.
  • Rounds start at 11 am, and then end at noon. Lunch is important, and fuck getting up early.
  • Gym Time: I like my residents and medical students to be in shape, but I really don’t give two shits if you’re fat and dumpy. 9-11am is the designated gym time, but you can do it whenever it’s most convenient for you. As long as you get your work done, work out whenever. If you hate working out, do what you want to do instead.
  • Once your work is done, it’s time to go home. Don’t ask for permission, just leave.
  • Business attire in the hospital is stupid. Wear scrubs on my service if you like. If you want to pimp your nicest suit, I don’t give a fuck.
  • Saturday and Sunday are off limits for the hospital, I hire hospitalists to take care of that kind of shit. If you want to work on Saturday and Sunday, go for it.
  • Residents and students will spend at least 20% of their working time working on personal projects. Entrepreneurism is encouraged.
  • Residents and students will be expected to take at least one nap per day. I don’t care when you take it.
  • World of Warcraft and XBOX games (including, but not limited to, Call of Duty 4) will be played on a daily basis. If you’re not into this sort of thing, go do whatever it is that you like.
  • Anyone that is determined by me, to be a “gunner”, has to complete the following for time: [Run 1 mile, 100 pull-ups, 200 sit-ups, 300 squats, Run 1 mile], all while wearing a 25 pound weight vest. Any time greater than 35 minutes earns the “gunner” a week of doing nothing but scut work, digital rectal exams and manual disimpactions.

Let’s have some fun!

Are you convinced to leave medicine? If so, you may feel like you are alone. You may feel clueless about what to do next. However, quitting medicine could turn out better than you have ever thought possible. And here is why you should get out …

This article is part of Hoover’s Med School Hell series. Med School Hell reveals the crazy truth about the crappiness of the US medical education and healthcare system … while making you laugh so hard, you’ll crap in your pants.

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