Med School Hell – The End Is Near

This post is raw and holds nothing back. If you’re uncomfortable with vulgar language, please turn back.

May 8, 2006
By: Hoover


Graduation is quickly approaching and I listen as my classmates are “dreading” entering their intern year. I can’t really blame them – I’d be ready to gouge my eyeballs out with rusty spoons if I knew I had a year of rounding with some internal medicine or surgery team on the horizon. Perhaps they see something at the end of the tunnel that never materialized for me. I see a lifetime of call, long hours, and dirty patients – that’s about it.

For me, the decision to not enter a residency was the best decision I ever made. Not once do I ever look back and have envy for any of my classmates who are off to programs all over the country to be overworked and underpaid. I am happy that I will never:

write another SOAP note;
be “pimped” by another attending;
have to give another presentation on some crap topic I care nothing about;
be inside the hospital prior to 5am, and not be a patient;
step foot inside an OR unless I’m the patient;
wear a face mask;
have to wonder if I get lunch today;
have to wonder what time I’ll get to sleep tonight;
have to come home late at night after my wife is already asleep;
“scrub in”;
touch another patient;
listen to another patient bitch and complain;
do another H&P;
make copies for residents;
look up labs;
bring in journal articles;
have to attend “rounds”;
do another prostate exam;
do another pelvic exam;
have to look at the vagina of a dirty, overweight, and smelly female;
have to ask a post-op patient if they’ve “had a bowel movement” or “passed gas”;
have to count the number of patients scheduled for clinic and then hope 80% don’t show;
record urine output;
note quality of stools;
change wound dressings;
culture wounds;
drain abscesses and then collect drainage for culture;
dread getting out of the bed;
look forward to one to two days off per month;

be unhappy.

Are you convinced to leave medicine? If so, you may feel like you are alone. You may feel clueless about what to do next. However, quitting medicine could turn out better than you have ever thought possible. And here is why you should get out …

This article is part of Hoover’s Med School Hell series. Med School Hell reveals the crazy truth about the crappiness of the US medical education and healthcare system … while making you laugh so hard, you’ll crap in your pants.

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